So I didn't have a career as a writer...

But if I had, here’s my latest:

Click for a closer look.

Frontispiece by Hussein Chalayan
Illustrations by Tony Fitzpatrick

This is for Lynn. Thanks again.

All the extra words in this are my fault; all that aren’t in this are John Yohalem’s.
Thanks to Mishka at the Welfleet Chowder House for wi-fi and juice.
Thanks to Nancy Herring and John Balfe for failing to talk me out of it, Nick Licata, Nick Iversen, Susan Sontag, Josie Drexel Duke, Alison, Massey Ferguson, O’Rinko, Cortez and his runners, my urologist for the vasectomy that made all this possible, and, of course, Jinxy.

[Insert book here]

Thanks for reading the whole thing. Now you know.

This book is set in Mock Roman Extended.


Dream Bike

Theft resistant.
Commuter and grocery runs.

• All Scotchlite® or equivalent in the most visible pattern. Might be every available square inch or there might be a more visible pattern.
• Hub dynamo, wired lights
• Lights integrated into bike, not removable, front and rear, including stand lights, maybe wearable lights, including some across shoulders and chest (would a velcro®’d chest band stay up, maybe under arms?), pattern like police cars, blue and white, spotlight on one hand for signaling and shining on things. How expensive would bluetooth sync be? Every light working together in a pattern, limning a coherent object. Wouldn’t that add visibility? Lights and flag on a whip staff, vertical from rear of rear pannier rack.
• Integrated lock, like a spooled cable. Maybe the hubs lock?
• Integrated mirrors? Or is a good helmet mirror enough?
• Easy on/off panniers, each about grocery bag size, front and rear, usually just one of four is on the bike. Front rack itself is quick release, for between grocery runs. Accordion flat when empty. Drawstring cover to prevent prying and to keep stuff in.
• Loud horn, with integrated air can inside a tube. Easy to fill, Schrader valves match the tires’. Horn button accessible but not accidentally available.
• Lovely bell.
• Kickstand.
• Quick release wheels and seat, with theft resistant heads on the stems.
• Radio beacon for tracing when it’s stolen. On all the time or just set it when you’re parked in public? I bet it’s a negligible power draw to ping a cell tower, say, with your GPS. The system will call you and others if the bike moves, and tell in real time where it is, maybe a Google© map to your iPhone® and your blog. You could use this for fun, too; have a journal of journeys.
• Medium width tires, cross bike size, with puncture resistant Kevlar® linings, schrader valves.
• Three speeds for Chicago.
• Fenders.
• Handlebars that let you sit up a little or hunch over.
• Comfortable saddle.